Political Jokes Page 5 of 6
Jokes about politicians and other political jokes, some are very funny jokes about our government.
A Republican and a Democrat were walking down the street when they meet a homeless person. The Republican gave the homeless person his business card and told him to come to his business for a job. He then took twenty dollars out of his pocket and gave it to the homeless person.
The Democrat was very impressed, and when they came to another homeless person, he decided to help. He walked over to the homeless person and gave him directions to the welfare office. He then reached into the Republican's pocket and gave the homeless person fifty dollars.
One night Barack Obama was awakened by George Washington's ghost in the White House.
"George, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?" Obama asked.
"Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did," advised George.
The next night the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moved through the dark bedroom.
"Tom, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?" Obama asked.
"Cut taxes and reduce the size of government," advised Tom.
Obama didn't sleep well the next night, and saw yet another figure moving in the shadows. It was Abraham Lincoln's ghost.
"Abe, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?" Obama asked.
Abe replied, "Go to the theater."
Bill Clinton and his driver were cruising along a country road one night when all of a sudden they hit a pig, killing it instantly. Bill told his driver to go up to the farm house and explain to the owners what had happened.
About an hour later Bill sees his driver staggering back to the car with a bottle of wine in one hand, a cigar in the other and wads of money sticking out of his pockets.
"What happened?", asked Bill.
"Well, the farmer gave me the wine, his wife gave me the cigar and her rich uncle gave me the money," said the driver.
"My God, what did you tell them?", asks Clinton.
The driver replies, "I'm Bill Clinton's driver, and I just killed the pig."
A Congressman was once asked about his attitude toward whiskey.
"If you mean the demon drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the body, desecrates family life, and inflames sinners, then I'm against it."
"But if you mean the elixir of Christmas cheer, the shield against winter chill, the taxable potion that puts needed funds into public coffers to comfort little crippled children, then I'm for it."
"This is my final position, and I will not compromise!"
I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc. that I called the Suicide Hotline.
I got a call center in Pakistan, and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.
As Governor, Bush got to ceremonially act as a state trooper for a day. While operating a speed trap Bush pulled over a Texas farmer. He lectured the farmer about his speed and the necessity of obeying laws made by his superiors, and in general threw his weight around. Finally, he got around to writing the ticket, and as he was doing so he kept swatting at flies that were buzzing around his head.
The farmer said, "Having some problems with the circle flies there, are you, Sir?"
Bush stopped writing the ticket and said, "Well yeah, if that's what they are, I never heard of circle flies."
So the farmer says, "Well, circle flies are common on farms. See, they're called circle flies because they're almost always found circling around the back end of horses."
Bush says, "Oh," and goes back to writing the ticket.
After a minute he stops and slowly says, "Hey, wait a minute, are you trying to call me a horse's butt?"
The farmer says, "Oh no, Governor, I have too much respect for you to even think about calling you a horse's but."
Grinning broadly, Bush says, "Well, that's a good thing," and goes back to writing the ticket.
After a long pause, the farmer says, "Hard to fool them flies though."
